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| hey, i'm definitely going to try to make this a weekend update. alright, so this weekend was really, i mean really good. some things got out of hand, but after it wasn't such a sin to me. lol..well, friday night was john's surprise party. (happy 18th john!) I'm sure i already said it, with cookies i made originally for him..but i walked in on him with his fucking 3 foot bong. lmao. i love that kid. anyways, he asked me if i wanted to hit his bowl..and i said are you kidding me? duh. so, yeah i did my part. basically being a fiend and hogging it as usual. and what do you know..i was probably a lot more blazed then some of the kids in his room, for how little i am. whatever. i'm not a pot-head though, i promise! all i really remember doing before i got high was playing a good ass beat on bongo. Or maybe i was stoned? haha but yeah. fucking, drunk guys picked me up and tried to lock me in johns room with them, but then some kid (no names) that lets just say, i used to be fond of..locked us up in there. i forget what we did, but i refused to take all my clothes off, cause i got respect. especially for johns room, nah mean? i feel really bad about myself too, because i think john was kinda upset about it. but yeah, besides that. i wasn't much too heated about it. it was a swell night. i guess i was a little crazy? all i remember is laughing into cute boys faces. ahahah, i'm so unattractive. but yes. there's this one boy. he's got me falling for him. and i didn't even know his name! but he knew mine. :) i didn't even get with the kid or had the intention of getting with him, and im still very interested in him. he seemed fond of me as well, but hey, i just started talking to the kid, you never know. can't always jump into conclusions like that anyways. but yeah, just letting you know he's a pretty good guy. he's quite attractive too, actually very. which is a plus. ahaha, i'm so lame. I also remember someone saying "she's got such a personality, unlike any girl i ever met" that's the most craziest and complimentive comment i've ever gotten. but yeah, i'll get back to you kids later. :) | | |
| okay, from last blog, I just gave you a brief update about my life. so anyway, I did decided what I was going to do that saturday night. I went to my friends' show at savage. funny story about savage..I once fainted there. it was this past summer infact. I was there for my friends band 'The Ellemayos' ska band with a few of my friends, check them out. anyway, after my friend mitch performed (so hott) haha, we decided to smoke a dooby with some kid we had just met. I was very stoned..and it was soo hott out that summer, and it made it even worse how small and compact savage is, especially with 30+ people in there. but yeah, I remember mitch had his arm around me, and we were watching "by surprise" perform. then..I fainted. I didn't even know though. and i just remember waking up, and people asking if i was a diabetic, and they gave me a HUGE water bottle. haha, crazy. but a good night after ;) anyway, Back to what happend thiss saturday night. I brang my friend jess (i've blogged a little about her before) and she took my shine away, i was basically the 3rd wheel, to most of my guy friends. haha, didn't bother me though, that's how long i knew her. but that night we watched my friends band 'crows crossing', they did really good. and my first time watching another friends band 'firethorn lane' jeanette has a good voice. and another band with a female vocalist called "the fakeout" soo good. even a female skins player! awesome, right? I really want to learn the drums. so bad. anyway, I don't like the kid i used to like, because some girl, i thought was better of a friend decided to talk to him too? hahah, whatever. Im not speaking with her, until she gets the memo i guess? I'm not getting stressed over something dumb like that. oh, btw. i never use btw? but yeah, i added music. so leave comments people. peace. | | |
| hey, I haven't updated or added a new blog in officially one year. I'm already 17, and i look back on blogs from when i was like, 14. the happiest days, right there. appreciate, don't ever take advantage of life, it's way too precious. anyway, A lot has changed, and i somewhat like it this way. but it's whatever haha.
I just looked at my last blog, haha i can be so stupid sometimes. and I just realized how scene my profile looks, my picture, everything. like, last i took that picture was in 05. hahah my hair is really dark, and down my back now. I've been doing crazy shit trying to make it grow. like, taking mad vitamins, such as biotin, b6, b12, folic acid, and normal complex vitamins. I now babysit, so i'm only sort of unemployed haha. I make 40 dollars each time I babysit, so currently I have up to $550, mad dough, right? I've been saving up for a tattoo, and to re-decorate my basement. that'll be a lot though. haha so, anyway..what's up everyone? not so much here, lately i've been thinking of college. as most of you know, I want to major in being a nurse, but what a lot of you don't know is that i've really looked into ASL. haha, not age, sex, location? it's american sign language. duhz. I really want to minor in being a sign language interpreter, for the deaf, or even blind kids/people. awesome, right? oh yeah, i've been volunteering at the animal orphange in voorhees where my mom works. yeah, so lately i've been doing my good deeds. have to try going to heaven somehow. that's how i look at it..sometimes. lol. not exactly sure what i'm doing tonight, but yeah. | | |
| I think I might start writing more in this. jeez, i've looked at a lot of my previous entries..and they actually made me pretty sad. and I haven't even cried in 07', not even once. so obviously i didn't. believe me, i'm maturing. slowly? no, I can't say that i hit puberty in the 4th grade, also the year I became a "woman". damn, what the helll..i'm so weird.
i hate having even the slightest thought that i am sort of random. that sucks grimey ass. anyway..so i've looked through the entries and i noticed my vocabulary and grammer was a lot stronger then, than how it is now. what's wrong with me? like, i feel like i'm getting lazy and anti social, and fucking SHY. that's not me? I mean i've always been pretty soft spoken..but i get shy shy. and having hallucinations, and being paranoid...that's not fucking cool. Really. but im not as scared as i use to be..and i've came to the conclusion that i'm a real bitch. not all the time, particually to the people who deserve it. not that i'm shallow, its just i don't take anyones shit anymore. like man, i use to be sooo fucking kind. now i don't give a two shits about anything, i'm sarcastic, don't tolerate bullshit..think every fucking walking vagina is a gossiping cunt. most likely the little girls, who happen to be taller than me? but yeah..I'll probably write in here next week.
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| I will lie awake
lie for fun and fake the way I hold you.
let you fall for every empty word I say.
barely conscious in the door where you stand
your eyes are fighting sleep while
your mouth makes your demands
you laugh at every word
trying hard to be cute..
I almost feel sorry for what I'm gonna do.
and your hair smells of smoke
who will cast the first stone?
you can sin or spend the night all alone.
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